Friday, July 9, 2010


When you are growing up, society basically ingrains into your head that one day, you will grow up and get married and have a house with a white picket fence and 2.5 children and live the perfect American life. Well, what if you grow up and you realize that you don't like kids and don't want anything to do with them? People call you selfish (like a former co-worker of mine with 3 kids), tell you that you will feel differently when you get older (like my Gynocologist), that you'll eventually come around and change your mind because "children are a blessing".

To me, this is all bullshit. And so, I consider myself Childfree.

Having worked at a day camp for about 6 years in my late teens/early 20s, that was plenty of time for me to figure out that I really did not like children. I thought that maybe I would feel differently if they were my own children. But as the years passed, I have never found myself in any way, shape, or form, being interested in going into full-blown "Mommy Mode". Maybe it is because my own mother was not exactly the loving, caring, June Cleaver-type that you see on TV. We never had special moments where we bonded and had girl talk, did each other's hair and nails and talked about boys. My mother has never once inquired into my love life (or my life in general, actually). Has this lack of affection from a female figure in my life rubbed off on me and impacted the way I view motherhood? Possibly. But the fact still remains: I really can't stand kids. Pregnancy freaks me out. Pregnant women gross me out. Throwing up, gaining weight, weird cravings, pushing a baby out of your VAGINA: The whole experience is just not glamorous in anyway in my eyes.

Besides, isn't the world overpopulated enough as it is? Who says you need to shit one out of your Vag-hole in order to be a happy parent? There are plenty of kids in foster homes that need loving parents. And since apparently our Government likes to make the adoption process as difficult and costly as possible for those who are barren or homosexual; Yet unfit parents (Read: Crackheads, Hicks, Teenagers, etc) can pop out kids left and right and abuse them, abuse the welfare system, throw their kids in the trash or drown them in bathtubs. But nooooooo! Everyone wants their own perfect little bundle of joy made of their own DNA that looks just like them and they can mold into a miniature, god-awful version of themselves. Honestly, bringing more kids into a world where resources are rapidly becoming scarce (not to mention the horrible economy) - that to me is more selfish than not wanting kids, period.

Kids are annoying, smelly, frustrating, exasperating creatures. They cause their parents immense mental stress and cost a lot of money. You are expected to cater to this child's every want and desire from birth until - well, legally until they are 18 years old, but honestly, how many of you can say that you haven't had your parents stick their neck out for you (and their wallet) regardless of how old you are now? (I am raising my own hand, don't be embarrassed to raise your own.) They want the newest toys when they are kids, video games and clothes when they are pre-teens, cars when they are in high school and, of course, let's not forget about four years of College.

In all those 18+ years, you still have to bring that child up to have good morals and values, to respect people, to act appropriately, to strive for success - everything that you feel you have achieved in your youth development, and you try to project onto your offspring. However, society tries to throw a monkey wrench into that well-oiled machine. You barely have enough time to worry about your own life and you have to worry about the lives of your children as well. You have to worry about what your child is doing when you are not around, who they are hanging out with, what their influenced by, what they're watching, eating, listening to, who their friends are, who is teasing them at school, what their grades are like, if they're *gasp* sexually active! If that's not stressful, I don't know what is.

Maybe I am afraid of a lot of what goes into parenting. Maybe I am afraid that I will fail. Maybe I'm afraid my child will be born with a birth defect or be teased by their peers for not being "cool" enough. How are you supposed to explain to  your child why people are so mean? Why people kill each other? Why war exists? Why people hate each other because of their race, religion or sexual orientation? How do you protect them without keeping them in a bubble? You want them to be just as self-aware as street-smart, so that they are not taken advantage of or pushed around. You want to be able to do everything for them, even though at some point they need to learn how to do things on their own. I am afraid that I won't be able to handle it. That I will fail my child in some way as a parent. Children need their parents to be advocates for them because they cannot stand up for themselves. They do not know right from wrong unless you teach them. I don't know if I have what it takes to be able to stick my neck out for someone else if I already have trouble doing it for myself sometimes at 26 years old.

Honestly, I am content with life as it is. I like the idea of having my freedom; of not getting fat with a child inside me and pushing it out of a very tiny area; of having weekends where I can go out and about and not worry about finding a sitter; of taking vacations without forcing my children on my parents or in-laws for a week. Of spending lots of money on myself instead of on clothes that are just going to wind up in Goodwill in a few months and toys that will get quickly broken or go unplayed with. I am not saying I hate kids. But I would guesstimate that only about 2 out of 15 kids make me smile instead of making me disgusted. I wouldn't mind hanging out with some or watching someone else's for a while, just so long as at the end of the day I can hand the kid back to their parents and go "I believe this belongs to you - Have fun!" (Especially if that kid is barfing, shitting or crying.)

1 comment:

  1. Having children is not for everybody, that's for sure.

    Watch Maury.