I really ought to apologize to him. I lied when I said "It's not you, it's me" because it was him.
After kissing so many frogs, I finally found a prince. After all those duds, he made me see sparks.
He was the first boy that I'd kissed in a long time that made me feel butterflies.
And it scared the shit out of me.
He was so nice and sweet and kind. He made me nervous and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself with him. Like I would just let the emotions take over; like I really could have fallen in love.
I tried to play it off and make excuses, talk myself out of it, date someone else. But the whole time I was with #2, I couldn't stop thinking about #1. Running into him in hallways, dreaming about passionately making out with him on their shared couch, fantasizing about sneaking into his bed in the middle of the night.
"Shhh!" I'd put my finger to his lips as I slipped between his sheets, then kiss him softly right in the area between his ear and his cheek, running my hand strongly across his firm chest. I pictured his arms embracing me gently but kissing me firmly, holding me close and making me feel safe; like I was the only girl in the world.
Maybe all my excuses were right. Maybe it's better that we were never together.
He would have treated me like a Princess and I turned around and treated him like a Frog.
And I never deserved him, anyway.