If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

What is it about guys that, once you give them an inch, they take a foot? You show even the slightest, tiniest bit of interest in someone you have absolutely no interest in, or drunkenly hook up with someone, and then - you can't get rid of them. Or you allude to some kind of romantical or sexual thing in a totally platonic joking way, and then you just keep getting pestered about it.

Case in point: There was a guy I used to work with (NOT the guy from this post) and I would always go to him about advice regarding the guy from that post... and other facets of my love and sexual life. It came to a head (pun totally intended) when joking, I said I would blow him for helping me out and listening to all my estrogen-induced rambling bullshit. One night, he picked me up and brought me with him to his office and, after much beating around the bush (lol again pun probably intended), we turned the lights off and I put one of my best skills to the test. There was no kissing, no touching, just straight oral. I was just trying to prove the point that I give great head and get some practice in the meantime. After all was said and done, we'd deduced the situation as being a totally "for research" experiment and there was no kind of chemistry or attraction between us whatsoever. I even gave him another goodbye BJ when I moved out of the area.

But then, he started to get really obnoxious about it. He would constantly bring these situations up, supposedly jokingly: how good I was at it, how he could really use one right now. I even came home one weekend and asked him if he wanted to hang out and he kind of kept pressing the issue of trying to get me to give him another blowjob. Hello? Didn't we already establish that these instances were just a one-off kind of thing? And you weren't giving me anything in return. (And to be honest, I didn't even want him kissing or touching me. Hell, why do you think I turned the lights off? So I could pretend it was someone else and not have to look at him or his creepy face while I was sucking his dick.) So, I let him know - sorry, I'm seeing someone. It's not going to happen. And yet, continued to persist about, talking about it over dinner, in his car, basically nagging me about it. After dinner, we couldn't figure out anything else to do and I was really looking to just go home, but he drove me to his office; He was leaving his position and was hoping to christen the room 'one last time'. And so we sat there for close to a half hour with him hoping I was gonna drop to my knees, and me, sitting on the other end of the couch texting on my Blackberry with a "Ain't never gonna mothafuckin happen" face on. Finally, he took the hint and drove me home.

I just don't get it. Did my signals get crossed somewhere? Does he honestly think I'm just jumping at the chance to shove some cock in my mouth- any cock - and hopefully, his cock? No. It doesn't work like that. There was absolutely no emotional attachment to it for me, just as a lot of times as of late, I've had a lot of sex without attachment. Perhaps men think that women can't separate the emotions involved in the act of intercourse, but to be honest, a lot of us have learned to out of necessity. Now, that's not to say that when you are emotionally committed to someone that your mind is off in Wonderland while you're getting railed. Absolutely not! When you are with someone you are sexually and emotionally attracted to, you can't wait to get your slobber all over that dick, to feel it pounding at your vag over and over again. And that's the point - you WANT to be having sex with that person. You want to be enjoying that act and sharing those intimate moments with that person. The rest of the time, when it's with some random person - you're just looking to bust a nut, no? I thought that was how guys functioned.... But maybe I'm wrong.

Editor's Note: No sooner than a mere 6 hours after I made this post did previously mention Lame-o guy IM me and bring up in a span of 30 minutes:

•  If I ever got a hold of copies of a sex tape I made recently
• Why didn't I have copies of another sex tape I'd made previously as part of a Threesome
• How come I don't send him half-naked pictures of myself anymore
• Why don't I come up and hang out with him sometime and have a little debauchery in my life
• How I am more than welcome to use him for sex in the meantime should I so feel like it (and then pretend that he was just joking when I told him I wasn't doing the casual sex thing anymore) 
• How I would be a treat in bed because I love the "doggy style hair pull"
• And how I am "Queen of the BJ and no one can remove my crown". 

All of which were met by resounding one-word answers or "Yeah, no. I'm all set with that." Further proving that Men can't and don't know how to take hints or know when they are consciously being creepy. 

A/S/L?

Many moons ago I made a half-ass attempt at trying online dating. It lead to several AIM conversations with some of the guys I had messaged, 1 actual date and an over a year-old friendship with a chick who I met on the site, non-sexually. The guys seemed normal enough at first: talked about common interests, didn't ask me for nude pictures. So I agreed to meet up with one for dinner in the city. We had a good conversation at dinner and things appeared to be going well until we decided to grab drinks afterwards. As this guy started drinking more, he got progressively obnoxious. He worked at some big network Cable station in their web development/gaming dept. - so clearly was a big video game nerd. I told him that my dream job was to work in the PR/Marketing Dept. at Nintendo. Instead of being like, "Oh wow. That's awesome", my statement was instantly met with "Oh, well, Nintendo only hires within so you need to know someone in order to work there." Strike 1, guy. Just because they rejected your ass when you tried to apply there because you design flash games for a living doesn't mean that no one else can get a job there. Then, as the night was growing later, I had to get back to the train for my ridiculously long trip back to CT - and he knew this. Instead of hailing a cab, he insisted we walk all the way back to Grand Central.... from 9th ave. Strike 2.

Of course I missed my train. He had been persistently trying to convince me to go home with him at the bar, (to his parents house in upper Westchester, the completely wrong direction from my parents house, and on a work night no less.) so this was obviously some kind of plan of his to try and get me to come back with him. Sorry buddy, not happening. Once he realized that I wasn't going to play with his Wii, he went to go catch his train which was leaving in 10 minutes and left me there! My train only ran every hour and wasn't coming for another 40 minutes. Strike 3. Seriously dude? You wanted  to get in my pants so bad but you couldn't do me the courtesy of hanging out with me and entertaining me while I waited for my train after you made me miss one? Well, instead of looking like a bum curled up on the floor of GCT, I decided to take a local train that would eventually connect to my train in order to kill time. At least I could nap comfortably that way - and try to get as far away from any memory of that horrible date as quickly as possible.

Needless to say there was no second date. I blocked him on the dating site and blocked him on AIM.... only to have him IM me from a DIFFERENT SCREEN NAME! (Stalker much?) and ask me why I had blocked him. To which I didn't even respond. I became so frustrated by the failure of this date that I blocked the other guy from the dating site on AIM too - and he ALSO IMed me from a DIFFERENT SCREEN NAME! asking me why I had blocked him. (What is this, High school? I'm gonna go on another screen name to ask you why you blocked me? Is it really that serious?) So at that point I had had enough. I logged into the dating site, found the account settings function and clicked "Delete Account" faster than you could say Norman Bates.

.........

Fast forward to now: I am trying to give this online dating site a second chance. Mostly as a social experiment and possibly fodder for my future PhD in the Social Psychology of Men. I really love the piss-poor attempts at communication that some of these guys give you on this site. Yes, let's not even use actual sentences or complete thoughts or even try to start a conversation with you. Let's cut to the "YO SHAWTY! I LOVE THEM LIPS GURL!" or "Wink! You have sexy eyes!" Do guys seriously think girls are going to respond to them? Or is that the point - to try and push people's buttons and send those same generic messages to as many "hot chicks" on the site as possible and see who takes the bait? I guess if I really wanted to take it further and instigate for scientific purposes, I could create a fake account and see what the responses are like then; But I really don't have the time or patience for that until I start writing my thesis.

For now though, I have had several normal conversations with a few somewhat attractive guys who seem to be genuinely interested in me. And I even have a date for Friday. Will round 2 of online dating go a lot better than round 1? I guess you guys will find out on Saturday.