Saturday, August 14, 2010

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

What is it about guys that, once you give them an inch, they take a foot? You show even the slightest, tiniest bit of interest in someone you have absolutely no interest in, or drunkenly hook up with someone, and then - you can't get rid of them. Or you allude to some kind of romantical or sexual thing in a totally platonic joking way, and then you just keep getting pestered about it.

Case in point: There was a guy I used to work with (NOT the guy from this post) and I would always go to him about advice regarding the guy from that post... and other facets of my love and sexual life. It came to a head (pun totally intended) when joking, I said I would blow him for helping me out and listening to all my estrogen-induced rambling bullshit. One night, he picked me up and brought me with him to his office and, after much beating around the bush (lol again pun probably intended), we turned the lights off and I put one of my best skills to the test. There was no kissing, no touching, just straight oral. I was just trying to prove the point that I give great head and get some practice in the meantime. After all was said and done, we'd deduced the situation as being a totally "for research" experiment and there was no kind of chemistry or attraction between us whatsoever. I even gave him another goodbye BJ when I moved out of the area.

But then, he started to get really obnoxious about it. He would constantly bring these situations up, supposedly jokingly: how good I was at it, how he could really use one right now. I even came home one weekend and asked him if he wanted to hang out and he kind of kept pressing the issue of trying to get me to give him another blowjob. Hello? Didn't we already establish that these instances were just a one-off kind of thing? And you weren't giving me anything in return. (And to be honest, I didn't even want him kissing or touching me. Hell, why do you think I turned the lights off? So I could pretend it was someone else and not have to look at him or his creepy face while I was sucking his dick.) So, I let him know - sorry, I'm seeing someone. It's not going to happen. And yet, continued to persist about, talking about it over dinner, in his car, basically nagging me about it. After dinner, we couldn't figure out anything else to do and I was really looking to just go home, but he drove me to his office; He was leaving his position and was hoping to christen the room 'one last time'. And so we sat there for close to a half hour with him hoping I was gonna drop to my knees, and me, sitting on the other end of the couch texting on my Blackberry with a "Ain't never gonna mothafuckin happen" face on. Finally, he took the hint and drove me home.

I just don't get it. Did my signals get crossed somewhere? Does he honestly think I'm just jumping at the chance to shove some cock in my mouth- any cock - and hopefully, his cock? No. It doesn't work like that. There was absolutely no emotional attachment to it for me, just as a lot of times as of late, I've had a lot of sex without attachment. Perhaps men think that women can't separate the emotions involved in the act of intercourse, but to be honest, a lot of us have learned to out of necessity. Now, that's not to say that when you are emotionally committed to someone that your mind is off in Wonderland while you're getting railed. Absolutely not! When you are with someone you are sexually and emotionally attracted to, you can't wait to get your slobber all over that dick, to feel it pounding at your vag over and over again. And that's the point - you WANT to be having sex with that person. You want to be enjoying that act and sharing those intimate moments with that person. The rest of the time, when it's with some random person - you're just looking to bust a nut, no? I thought that was how guys functioned.... But maybe I'm wrong.

Editor's Note: No sooner than a mere 6 hours after I made this post did previously mention Lame-o guy IM me and bring up in a span of 30 minutes:

  •  If I ever got a hold of copies of a sex tape I made recently
  • Why didn't I have copies of another sex tape I'd made previously as part of a Threesome
  • How come I don't send him half-naked pictures of myself anymore
  • Why don't I come up and hang out with him sometime and have a little debauchery in my life
  • How I am more than welcome to use him for sex in the meantime should I so feel like it (and then pretend that he was just joking when I told him I wasn't doing the casual sex thing anymore) 
  • How I would be a treat in bed because I love the "doggy style hair pull"
  • And how I am "Queen of the BJ and no one can remove my crown". 
All of which were met by resounding one-word answers or "Yeah, no. I'm all set with that." Further proving that Men can't and don't know how to take hints or know when they are consciously being creepy. 

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