Monday, June 28, 2010

The Politics of Dating

There are all kinds of dating pressures in your 20s. Many people think back to their parents’ and grandparents’ day and kind of use that as a barometer against where they should be in life. One might go, "Oh, well my parents were married by the time they were my age, so my clock is ticking." Others think, "Fuck that shit - Your 20s are for partying and screwing around. You've got the rest of your life to settle down." So what should you do? Do whatever feels right. Don't feel pressured to have to be married and settled down with a house and kids by the time you're 30. Don't feel pressured to have to go out and sleep with any and everyone you meet. Remember that what might be right for someone else might not be the right choice for you. It's just like anything in life really. There is always going to be pressure to fit in with your peers, societal constraints telling you to do XYZ and not ABC.

A lot of women think that they're going to get too old to have kids and feel this indescribable need to sit around and complain that "OMG I'm almost 26 years old and I'm single and I'm never going to get married! And I wanna be a Mommy!" That mentality is almost certain to make sure that that "SINGLE" label stands on a little bit longer. Guys don't want you coming right off the bat saying "Oh, well, my goal is to be married and have kids by the time I'm 30." Because clearly, if he knows you're 26 - he factors in the fact that you're trying to accomplish all this in the next 4 years and instantly evaluates whether he wants to be part of that greater plan or calculates where the nearest exit is.

That's not to say that all Guys are commitment-phobic. Obviously, some men would like to get married one day, but if they think they're being put on the countdown meter based on your "clock", that's a lot of pressure. It gets worse as a Guy sees all his friends around him settling down and he's still the only single one. There go all the weekend binges and strip club outings. No one wants be the last Bachelor standing, right? How could someone take me seriously if all my friends are married and I'm not, right? Well, don't go rushing into something and married a Girl just because that's what she wants and that's what you see everyone else doing. Odds are you'll either wind up resenting her for "trapping" you in a marriage before you were ready or eventually wind up getting divorced.

And not every Girl feels like she wants to get married either. The thing about being a girl is - growing up, you're expected to be prim and proper and not skanky and slutty. Then you hit your 20s and realize how amazing sex is and your libido kicks in and you just wanna hump everything in sight and now you can be a kinky bitch all you want without the worry of rumors running the halls of your high school or doing the walk of shame home from the Kappa Sig house every weekend.

You're 20-something and single. You don't have to be in a relationship if you don't want to. You can date and screw whoever you want and be however serious about the situation you want. The world is your oyster. Who cares if you only wanna go out with a guy just to get a free meal and a fuck? That's your prerogative! All these years you've been dating like a chick - and getting fucked over because of it. Think about all those guys you cried over, all those pints of Ben & Jerry's you ate. It's about time you dated like a man - liberate yourself. It's 2010 after all. But of course, most importantly - carry condoms! Don't think just because you're a Girl you should depend on the guy. Because if you get horny and he doesn't have one, how disappointed will you be then? (And don't even think of letting him "pull out" - You should both be able to have mind-blowing orgasms together without worrying about getting pregnant.) Same thing goes for you, Guys. Always carry condoms. Just because a chick is totally hot and says she's the pill doesn't mean that she is - and it doesn't mean she doesn't have herpes either. Because if you don't, guess what? Not only did you not want get married in the first place, but now, congratulations! You're a daddy!


This week, I'm focusing my blog on some of the more interesting, possibly embarrassing and excruciatingly awful dating experiences I've had as of late. I was a serial monogamist for a very long time. I was constantly in back-to-back long term relationships. Only slept with guys that I was seriously dating. All that changed when my asshole of an ex ruined my life and basically made me swear off getting close to anyone every again. So I started dating like a Guy so I didn't get played like a little bitch. I had some good times, some bad, some amazing and some things I experienced that can never be undone or unseen. Those encounters are as follows...

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